still waiting

because one day my Prince will come

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Maybe this is it.

But I doubt it.

I have been having a series of happy crushes on the new friends I have made this past month. I don’t know if it can already be considered a series when I’ve only had two, technically, at least. The first one was on a guy that I found infuriatingly brilliant, with thoughts that were just so profound, and a face that didn’t hurt as well, that made me sort of had a momentary crush on him to the extent that I referred to my liking of him as a liking to the second degree.* However, after a while, his non-responsiveness and overall laid-back attitude made the brief liking I took on him fade away almost as quickly as it came. Now, however, I think I may just have found the crush that will fill the void of the last really hard crush I had back in high school. For some reason, I feel that this is so because this guy, this new almost crush, reminds me of the greatest crush I’ve had in my life, the guy that although probably only unconsciously made me feel special and loved, took me almost four years to get over. This new guy, I never noticed him before. The avid judger in me has always found him arrogant and not worth my time. But then I got to know him a little almost two weeks ago, and have constantly come across him since then. He’s actually pretty sweet, and a little mischievous like my old crush. He hugged me once, and I found it really awkward, which may just have propelled whatever it is that I’m feeling for him now. I have found myself constantly thinking about him recently. I saw him earlier today. I was busy eating, practically stuffing my face with a waffle as I was walking from one building to another. I heard someone call my name, and it was him. I probably looked stupid with my full mouth when I turned to face his greeting. What came after is the reason why I’m writing this post. I couldn’t stop smiling. I think I was blushing by then. I kept asking my friends if I were. They said no, I looked normal to them. And yet I felt this tingly feeling on my cheeks, something that I couldn’t quite describe. I haven’t come across feelings like this ever since my high school crush, whose mere presence brought about sensations much worse than what I experienced today. I definitely missed the sensation of having legitimate crush. As to whether the status of this new almost crush, I don’t really know what to say. I’m not expecting anything, because in all honesty, with me being a senior, I don’t really have time to expect. Also, who am I to even think that a guy like him would go for someone like me? The last time I made the mistake of believing something like that was back in high school, and things didn’t really go so well. Whatever happens, at least I feel free now that I have vented this out, whether anything happens or not.

Filed under crush new crush

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I really am over you now. You are reduced to an inspiration I use for the fiction that I right. And its not even the real you that I use, but rather a biased representation of my idea of you that only existed in reality for a couple of months when you genuinely did feel the same things as I did. You can’t tell me that you didn’t, because you did. And I will cherish that until the day that I do find someone who is nothing like you, but makes me feel a hundred times better than you ever did.